I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am spending my child support on dildos
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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