you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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