i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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