Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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