My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
