I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
