if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
