Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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