had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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