:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
