I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
