I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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