Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hippo gnu deer
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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