He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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