something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
