so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Randomize
