I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We got so high we made milksteak
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
