youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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