She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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