She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
