i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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