He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
