I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
