No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he just fucked me for my cheese.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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