I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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