I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
