Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize