is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
