like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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