Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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