Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
