so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize