My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
