Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
