I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Randomize
