im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
