Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
