god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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