I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
