You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
