garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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