i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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