tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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