I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
