Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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