I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
