what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
