I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dear god my vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
