I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
