You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
