Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i permit you to call me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
