Me too!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
