I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
