dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
