I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
