What a fucking waste of an outfit
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
