Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
