Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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