Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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