I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
