Do you still have your period?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
