don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Houston, we have a blender
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
