Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
