I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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