i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
