Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

(631): View more from New York

Samesies

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(646): View more from New York

Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

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(440): View more from Ohio

vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

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(613): View more from Ontario

No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?

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(440): View more from Ohio

so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out

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(417): View more from Missouri

I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.

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