uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
