She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
