it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize