May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
