I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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