His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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