I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
