She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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