Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
