i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
