i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
