And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
