you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
