my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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