well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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