i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
