Already got asked if we're dating
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
