there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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